Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
