The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
