So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
