This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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