Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
