I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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