your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
