I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
