I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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