no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
