So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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