she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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