Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
