I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
