when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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