At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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