I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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