I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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