You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
