he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
