I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Randomize
