I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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