listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
