Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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