i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
