Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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