wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
