none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
