don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
