can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
