just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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