Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
