respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
