His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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