I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
