My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
