Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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