officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize