we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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