I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
