im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
