Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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