I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
