I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Dicks are not precious.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
