Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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