Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
it's great music for shaving your balls
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
