I hope mine doesn't look like that
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
