i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
