Just took my morning after pill in the library
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
