I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
